Navigating Inadequacy

I’ve been unemployed for two months now.

I am happier now, overall. The daily stress of my job is gone, and the cloud that would hang over me even at home has been blown away. I have been sick less, and have been able to return to my old hobbies. I don’t wake up with dread in my stomach, and my panic attacks have become infrequent.

It is not without it’s struggles though. Financially we are doing ok right now but I know a single income isn’t a sustainable option for us. When something comes up that we want to purchase/do/etc and we ultimately decide that we shouldn’t, I find myself feeling inadequate. I’m not contributing to the home right now. It’s my fault we can’t do these things — fancy dinners, going out with friends, buying new video games without thinking about it… the things that we did only a few months ago.

I try to convince myself that it’s all for the best. This was something that I needed to do for both my physical and mental health. I was headed down an unhealthy road and I’m glad I got off when I did. But that doesn’t stop the feelings of guilt. I keep myself busy during the day with hobbies and housework, selling some of my creations to bring in some money. It feels like it’s never enough though. I feel insecure when family or friends bring up money. I feel “less” than others because I don’t go to work each day. The emotional toll is only a fraction of what I experienced from the job, but it’s still there.

Would you sacrifice your health for financial security? Did I do the right thing?

Advertisements

Published by

Brittany

I am a late 20-something living with her husband and 6 furry children. I love crafts, gardening, board games, baking, hiking, beer, video games and books. My blog reflects every aspect of my life.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s